I’m not usually comfortable with writing on a public platform. Not that I haven’t tried blogging before, because the internet is littered with my abandoned blogs and traces of Tumblrs deleted in a snap decision. I’ve also written a couple of articles for various places (but never committed to those for fear of people regularly giving me feedback) and of course, essays are written to be read. But I very rarely share most of my writing with people around me or actively promote what I write.
And it feels odd to be saying “my writing”, even, because that makes it into a real thing I’m doing, that I’m putting out there, rather than something I can keep fairly quiet. Granted, when someone asks me what I want to do after university (… don’t ask), I tend to reply with ‘oh, you know, I’d like to get into publishing. Teaching maybe? Or travelling? Oh, and I’ve always wanted to be a writer but you know, teaching most likely.’
If I’ve always wanted to be a writer, why do I automatically turn away from it? Why is it often the last career path I tell people about when asked? Drum roll please… I know some of you have guessed it already! That’s right, gang, it stems from a lack of confidence! So many school reports came back with ‘she’s a joy to have in the class (humble brag) but she needs to have more confidence in her abilities’. And I know that’s a problem so here I am, confronting the issue and trying not to be nervous about sharing any of these posts on Facebook.
And the thing is, I genuinely do have an interest in teaching, and in travelling and politics and video editing and photography and films and TV shows. At the moment, I’m feeling under pressure to pick just one and pursue it as ‘my career’ but I honestly… don’t know. For context, I’m 21, I’m going to graduate in a few months with an English and Film degree and I really just don’t know what I’m doing next. In a way I’d like to do everything I can for as long as I can but while I’m trying to keep juggling every option I have right now, things start to slip away. Deadlines for applications pass and I’m still kind of just sitting here.
Anyway, I don’t know what this is going to be. Honestly, someone encouraged me to do this like Jess encouraged Rory to write her book in Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life, and yes, I needed to include the whole title. I’m probably going to post whatever I feel like posting whether that be fiction, prose, poems, photos or articles about how the Gilmore Girls revival screwed up (because I think we all know there really aren’t enough of those on the internet).
So I guess we’ll see if this becomes yet another abandoned url or if it becomes something else. If anything, I’ll have another place to yell into when I need it.
No, you hang up first.